Many of my recent posts have been about what I need to give up or let go of during or because of the adoption process. But there is plenty that I want to hang on to.
I have many good models of parents who have remained friends with folks without kids (as well as people like myself who have plenty of friends with kids), so I know that I don’t need to become that annoying parent who can only talk about their kid’s poop. But ever since David and I have announced that we are adopting, I have been invited into the not-so-secret world of parents.
I have been hearing from a wide range of friends, some new and some long-cherished, all eager to share their experiences with me. And the best part is that not one of them has said “this is the way to do things,” which is in complete opposition to every baby book I have read recently (which is a lot). Most of them have recommended their favorite parenting book to me (which is why I am reading so many), but they have also been very clear that each child is different and what worked for their kid may or not work for mine.
I have spent enough of my adult life reading about developmental psychology to know that there is no one way to do things. But I have also read enough to know that there are some parents out there who are completely convinced that they have unlocked the secret to perfect parenting. And kudos to them if they have. I’m just not convinced that what works perfectly for their kid(s) will work perfectly for mine. But fortunately for me, my friends have a different perspective and for that I am grateful.
And speaking of friends, a couple of them without kids have expressed their own concerns to me about how our relationship is going to change when the baby comes along. And as with my niecelettes, I am mourning that inevitable change as well. But I take it as a good sign that they have felt comfortable enough in our friendship to express their concerns to me. So coming back full circle to the beginning of this post, I will do my best continue to place a high priority on my friendships with non-parents and parents alike. Because in all honesty, there is no way I am going to be able to pull this off without them having my back.