Lately I have been feeling really down and insecure. A friend (who is also an adoptive mom) is attributing my moodiness to hormones. And there is data to back her up. Apparently, it is not uncommon for adoptive parents (and yes, I do mean parents. The data shows that fathers-to-be also have hormonal changes during a partner’s pregnancy) to experience hormonal shifts while waiting for placement as well as once the baby comes home. I keep trying to remind my endocrine system that it is being too proactive because we aren’t even in the adoption pool yet. But so far I have seen no changes.
I know there are many things I can do to make myself feel better. Walking is the obvious one. But starting this evening, my life starts getting busy for a while. And I am hoping that all of the distractions in my future will kick me out of my funk. Which will be nice because just sitting at home on the couch cuddling with Dancer is not working for me right now.
I was feeling even worse yesterday (and even wrote a very whiny post that will never see the light of day), but my usual antidepressant bolstered my mood. One of my niecelettes, N, lost a tooth. And how can I not feel better when I get sent a picture of one of my favorite 7-year-olds showing off the new gap in her mouth?
And then, a few hours later I got to Facetime with both girls. And there is no time in the past 7 years when talking to one or both girls hasn’t given my mood a boost. And yesterday was no exception. It started with my brother reading me a composition by A where she wrote about how N is her most important friend. And then the two of them showed me a dance that they had choreographed themselves.
Obviously these girls are two of the greatest joys in my life. And it thrills me to no end that they are excited to meet their new cousin when she arrives. Especially A, who was extolling the virtues of cute babies yesterday! It reminds me of how I felt when my baby brother (aka their father) came home from the hospital when I was about a year younger than the girls are now. It was truly one of the most thrilling days of my life.
I wish I could put moments like these in a box where so I could re-experience them from time to time when I need them. The niecelettes may not know it, but I am going to be relying on them in the weeks and months to come as we wait to be matched. They are the perfect reminder of why we are going through this process at all.