Another piece of wisdom I have received from friends who are parents is to use this transitional period before parenthood to ready myself for my new role. I can already feel a major identity shift coming on and for the most part I am very much looking forward to it. But there are some pieces of who I am now that I am having trouble letting go of. The most difficult one is silly aunt Eva.
I have said many times before that I see the biggest difference between being an aunt and being a parent is that I can give 100% of my energy to my nieces and niecelettes. I can do so simply because I have the luxury of going home to recover from the energy expenditure. Whereas parents need to always retain a bit of a reserve for whatever unexpected events lay in wait. Whether those events are a temper tantrum, a sick child or simply a child refusing to go to sleep, parents need some kind of reserve to draw from.
For the past 7 years, the wallpaper on my my laptops and mobile devices has always been a picture of my niecelettes. Yesterday, I realized that (hopefully sooner rather than later), my future daughter will always appear front and center on all of my devices. David is convinced that I will be so in love with our daughter that I will not mourn the displacement of my niecelettes. I suspect he is right. But we are not there yet and for now, I am sad at the prospect of losing the image of my niecelettes’ beautiful faces greeting me on almost every screen I look at daily.
I am also kind of dreading the prospect of my relationship with my niecelettes changing. I am sure my niecelettes both understand that right now they are the most important children in my life. (this is not to dis my nieces, who I also love dearly, I just don’t get to see them as often as I would like, which is unfortunate). And I strongly suspect that they understand that this will change when the new baby arrives. This seems to be ok with them. But at least for now, it is not ok with me.
Don’t get me wrong. I have no intention of disappearing from my niecelettes’ lives. I plan to continue talking to them on the phone or video chat and I even hope to continue seeing them on a regular basis (although I suspect my visits will be less frequent). I know in my heart that there will be an inevitable shift in our relationship. I also know that this shift will be both natural and appropriate. But at least for the moment, that makes me sad.
That is also why I hope to be able to squeeze in at least one more visit with my niecelettes before the baby arrives. It will be our first visit since the girls learned that David and I were adopting. I see it as an opportunity for me to have one last time when I am just their silly aunt Eva and they still get 100% of everything I have to offer them.
And after that, who knows? Because as much as I mourn the change in my own relationship with my niecelettes, I am even more excited to introduce them to their new first cousin whenever she comes into our lives.