The word shpilkes is both a simple and a very nuanced term. It can be loosely defined as fidgety, nervous energy. But that really only scrapes the surface of the original Yiddish meaning. Shpilkes occupies that space between boredom and agitation. That place where focusing is just as impossible as sitting still. Like when you pick up something to do, look at it for a moment, put it down and find something else to do and repeat the process? That pretty much sums up the shpilkes I am feeling right now.
I just forced myself to sit still for an hour in front of my SAD light. During that time, I tried reading from two different books, tried and failed to play a few games on my phone, checked Facebook and tried to read my feeds before finally giving up, putting my phone aside and petting the cat on my lap. Now my hour of stillness is over and I’m still not quite sure what to do with myself.
This morning I take off for the east coast. That means a day of sitting still in a very cramped space for ~6 hours, punctuated by a mad dash between gates. Usually I take a crazy early flight that only leaves me time to groggily wake up, hop into the shower, briefly panic over whatever I have forgotten to pack and leave. Often completely uncaffeinated.
Today I have a flight that isn’t leaving until mid-morning. I can’t go pack yet because right now David is folding the laundry I need to pack. I am afraid to start working on a site, lest my distraction lead to stupid mistakes. I do have other things I could be doing. I could be prepping my food for the plane, pulling together my reading material and knitting for the plane or checking the weather in New York. And, I will probably start doing those things once I finish this post. But even after I have done all that I need to do this morning, I know I am going to be left with too much time before I need to leave for the airport.
My late departure also means that I won’t be getting into New York until after my niecelettes have already gone to sleep. That means I won’t get to see them until tomorrow morning when they wake me up at 3:30 am Pacific time. My excitement at getting to see them always helps me pop up fully awake. In fact, I am almost always more awake than either of them. That’s when I turn into the over-excited child bugging them to play with me while they wake up slowly as they get ready for school. My eagerness is fueled by the knowledge that once they leave for school, I won’t see them again until 4pm. That’s when they will finally be ready to spend some quality time with their aunt. And that is also when I will finally get my shpilkes out.