Last night I got my first taste of being a 24-hour caretaker. Usually my mother is the primary caretaker. I am giving her a break and have taken over for 3 days and 2 nights.
My father is incredibly prone to falling. He is also increasingly frail. Even a relatively minor fall could be completely debilitating or even fatal in his current state. Because of this and his dementia, he can no longer be left alone. We are incredibly fortunate that we are able to afford aides for my father from 8am until he goes to bed. That is pretty complete coverage, and based on my day yesterday, absolutely critical. But the night-time hours are solo.
Because of his frailty, my father needs to be walked to and from the bathroom to make sure he doesn’t fall. This is not a problem when he is awake. But, when he is getting up from a deep sleep, he doesn’t know to wake up my mother to walk him to the bathroom. But in many ways, this is also the time he is most prone to a fall. The trick is to catch him after he wakes up, but before he has gotten out of bed.
My mother has never been a good sleeper, so when she told me she was up every 2 hours to check on my father it didn’t set off any red flags in my mind. I, on the other hand, can sleep through David turning on the bedroom light after I have been asleep. I also can sleep through some incredible noise. So I was very anxious at the prospect of being responsible for my father overnight.
Although I was exhausted last night, I was up every hour to make sure my father was ok. And the one time he did wake up, I heard him and was able to walk him safely to and from the bathroom. It should not surprise you to learn that I am not well rested this morning. This makes me even more anxious about tonight. I don’t want to be too tired to hear him stir when he needs to go to the bathroom.
Laying in bed this morning, I was thinking about the similarities between parenting newborns and caring for an aging loved one. Newborns do horrible things to sleep schedules, but people tend to be forgiving of new parents’ sleep deprivation. Parents can also cling to the fact that there in sight. Eventually, most children do end up sleeping through the night. And even if they don’t, children become more independent as they get older.
The reverse is true with the elderly. They tend to become more dependent as their health declines. And there is no timeline to the end. And even if there were, that timeline doesn’t always mesh with when you are ready to let them go.