In general, I am not easily distractable. I have been known to get so focused on a project that I lose track of all time. On more than one occasion, David has told me he is going off to do something for an hour or so. Without him around, to distract me I put my head down, get to work and wonder why he is still around the next time I look up. That is when he laughingly informs me that he has been gone and back and some number of hours have passed while I have been obliviously working.
Then there are days like today when I am too easily overwhelmed by my to-do list. I am still working on catch-up from putting almost everything on hold for my 6-week program and I feel like I am drowning. So far this morning, I have gone through my to-do list twice (in the process discovering two small projects that I totally forgot about) and decided to play on Facebook and Hay Day rather than deal with the scarily overwhelming stuff.
For those sane enough to have avoided it, Hay Day is a truly silly farming game that my niecelettes are completely in to. It is their fault that I have gotten hooked. No seriously, they made me do it. N, A and I were videochatting (by the way, the best part of the internet is the ability for me to be able to see my beautiful niecelettes when I chat with them) and N made me hold up my tablet and show her that I both had the game installed and what my farm looked like. And she proudly showed me her farm when she leveled up while chatting to me.
This morning I am just using Hay Day as an avoidance mechanism. I know I have things to do and my problem is simply one of prioritization. Where do I start? This is when I usually turn to Anne Lamott and her Bird by Bird approach. In simple terms, all that means is when overwhelmed, take things one at a time. But this morning, the simplicity of her advice is failing me. I am struggling to get the full list out of my mind so I can take things one at a time. So every time I start to focus on something, my mind panics and I find myself planting crops or chatting with friends on Facebook.
I need to get myself working, which is why I decided to try writing a blog post. I was hoping getting my anxieties down on (virtual) paper would help me choose somewhere to start. But that doesn’t seem to be helping this morning. And the very nature of the work I do means I can’t just turn off the internet and focus, because I need the internet to do the work I am supposed to be doing. Instead of removing the distractions, I am trying a second cup of coffee (because caffeine always helps calm anxieties, right?) and we will see if that works. If not, maybe today will end up being a 2 blog post day.